Do You Save Your Marriage or File for Divorce?
Are you close to throwing in the towel and giving up on your marriage? Do not blindside your spouse with divorce papers just yet. If you’ve never thought about divorce in the past, but is increasingly plagued by thoughts of it now, then it’s probably time.
Before you speak to a divorce lawyer, ask yourself the following questions
- Are you and your spouse always arguing about trivial issues?
- Do attempts at communication end up in arguments or fights?
- Do you constantly feel irritated about everything your spouse does?
- Do you still have fun together? Are you still sexually attracted to each other? Do you still satisfy each other sexually?
- Do you have problems that keep on reemerging?
- Do you still have the same family values and goals?
- Are you still able to compromise on key issues?
- Are you willing to accept that perhaps you’re having marital woes because of your own behaviors or problems?
- Do you wish that your spouse is dead or that you’re divorced?
- Do you still feel respected by your spouse and vice versa? Do they criticize you, make you feel stupid, and attack your self-esteem?
- Is your spouse cheating or has cheated in the past? Have you?
- Have you gone to therapy, or are you and your spouse willing to go to counseling?
- Do you have actionable plans post-divorce? Are you capable of coping with the emotional and financial stresses?
- Can you co-parent with your ex-spouse effectively?
- Do you feel in your gut that you’ve run out of all love, hope, and patience?
- Is your spouse emotionally and physically abusive to you or your children? Do you fear for your lives?
- Is your mind really made up?
It’s best not to be caught up in the fantasy of a divorce, but face the potential reality of it. Sometimes, as noted by Miller & Steiert, P.C. and other well-known family lawyers, an unhealthy relationship isn’t salvageable. This is especially true if you have issues of ongoing betrayal, substance abuse, abuse, gambling, or have had issues about these in the past.
If you decide to get professional help for your marital issues, consider going on your own if your spouse isn’t open to therapy. Your therapist would help you understand what you’re feeling and pinpoint the things you’re probably blind to or refuse to accept in yourself or your marriage.